OPPOSITION 101

   
     1. Whatever the party in power is doing, don't try to understand it; just take the opposite   position..."Opposit" is in both "opposite" and "opposition", abi?

2. When people in your party are called to give account of their stewardship, just start chanting "WITCH HUNT" without checking if they have a case to answer or not...

3. Politicise EVERYTHING, even matters that have to do with national security or the sovereignty of your nation.

4. If there is an outbreak of a disease that could easily become an epidemic, make sure you milk political gain for your party, however way.

5. In the states/LG where your party is in power, ensure that every time you plant a tree, it is celebrated in the media.

6. Ensure you have a few journalists on your payroll to ensure your party ALWAYS comes out smelling as roses.

7. When you have a congress/convention that is not democratic, find a way to blame the government for formenting trouble in your party.

8. Use new media (blogs, Facebook, Twitter etc) to propagate the unsubstantiated incorruptible stature of your main man and to spread rumours about government policies. If you like, go on air and tell us how the president is THINKING of doing XYZ (When they say it is only witches and wizards that fly on a broom now, you'll be making noise). Feel free to also social media to twist the words of the party in power.

9. Encourage young men and women to insult elected officials who are old enough be their grandfathers/grandmothers but cry FOUL if such treatments are meted out to the ELDERS of your party.

 

I had a different #9 but after trying to post thrice without success, I guess I need to delete it, lol.

 If you think this is what opposition is about, I'm seriously concerned about you. You need Jesus oooo.

 If you will remain in the opposition, you need to remember that the focus is building a better nation. This is a satire ooooo. I hope those that believe that all is fair in war and love (and politics) will repent. Propaganda is an ill wind that does NO ONE good.

 

May the Lord bless and prosper the Federal Republic of Nigeria.

GOVERNANCE 101

(According to those that will not be named)

1. Blame the past administration for everything that is going wrong, even if it is YOUR fault.

2. If the past administration was by people in your party, see no evil, hear no evil. If that doesn't work, blame the Federal Government (from the past administration) for "stifling opposition".

3. Take credit for ANYTHING that appears to be going right, though you have NO CLUE how they happened. If they go bad afterwards, PLAY DUMB or change topic to your selective anti-corruption campaign.

4. If your unwholesome acts are pointed out, just respond that the past administration did worse.

5. If there is public outcry against your policies/appointments, reverse yourself.

6. If all else fails, talk about how corrupt and clueless the past administration was...

"Sai...", Hephzibah, why are you like this na? Don't you know you shouldn't mention names? Do you want to issue yourself a red card?

Watchout for Opposition 101.

May God bless the Federal Republic of Nigeria. This Nigeria must work ooo.

 

HCOTN 300815

1. Don't take God for granted, Amaechi tells Wike

Hephzibah: Mr. Rotimi Amaechi, please can you clarify which God you were thinking about when you made this statement "Don't take God for granted because if we don't go back to God to remind Him, God may answer his (Wike's) prayers"?

The God I serve doesn't need me to remind Him of whatever anyone has done in the past before He decides which prayers to answer...Please appear before the commission of inquiry and provide answers sir.

 

2. Appointments: Buhari, APC move to pacify South East

Hephzibah: Okay ooo. I hope it's PMB, not APC, making these moves because we now understand that PMB can dissociate and associate himself at any time, t, from/with APC. Someone says he always knew PMB was a PDP member and the APC was just "famzing"...

 

3. NNPC recommends sale of refineries, Buhari disagrees.

Hephzibah: "However, President Muhammadu Buhari is said to have disagreed with selling the refineries for now...He is highly concerned about what the people will say..."

Seriously, PMB actually cares about WHAT THE PEOPLE WILL SAY? Seriously? That's nice to know...

 

4. Multi-Trex: The cocoa factory that must not die!

Hephzibah: Why did AMCON buy a performing loan from the bank? Baba, please look into this matter...Seriously, the AMCON and CBN leaderships should look into this matter. The evil that some of these banks are perpetuating ehn? The bank justified their evil decision by claiming that they needed to "free up liquidity for the bank, especially on the long-dated exposure"...CBN/AMCON, Multi-Trex must not die oooo. Thanks, Mr. Fagbenle for saying it as it is...

 

5. Big problems for Team Nigeria in Little China

Hephzibah: Baba, please extend the probe to the Sports sector and spend most of the time on Athletics and Football...

 

Breaking News: Manchester United FC entertained us with a 2-1 defeat to Swansea City FC. So, of all the big names in the Premier League, only Arsenal FC lived up to their reputation...

 

I pray the coming week will usher us into greater and mightier things. May God bless the Federal Republic of Nigeria.

HCOTN 260815

     1. I didn’t praise Jonathan’s anti-corruption style – Falana

Hephzibah: Why are people like this na? I didn't get to watch the interview but I kind of believe Mr. Falana (SAN).

 

2. Food sufficiency: Ambode seeks partnership on agro business

Hephzibah: See business opportunity for wise investors oooo.

"We have already created an Office of Overseas Affairs and Investment to directly deal with issues that relate to investors coming into Lagos"

WHAT? WHAT IS THE PURPOSE OF THIS OFFICE? ISN'T THERE A MINISTRY/DEPARTMENT/AGENCY THAT ALREADY DEALS WITH THIS? Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

 

3. Police arraign blogger for defaming bank CEO

Hephzibah: *Blows horn* Listen carefully...All of you that will be lying up and down claiming you're bloggers, Police is NOT your friend. One blogger maliciously defamed a bank CEO about an affair that didn't happen.

In the rumoured words of the late Idi Amin "I can guarantee your freedom of speech; I cannot guarantee your freedom after speaking (or blogging lies)"

 

4. British envoy visits Osun, weighs investment potential

Hephzibah: I couldn't ignore potential good news from Ogbeni's state. I've been pretty hard on Osun State. I hope it turns to sensible investments in Osun State.

 

5. Beijing: Okagbare rekindles medal hope in 200m

Hephzibah: Go Blessing! Go Blessing! Go Blessing!

Nobody should disturb me with negative news please. Tenkiu

 

Sadly, there are more deaths to report today. I pray that the Lord will grant those who lost loved ones the fortitude to bear the loss.

 

My commentary is back; I'm committing to at least TWICE a week.

 

May God bless the Federal Republic of Nigeria.

 

Enjoy your day.

1. Lagos seals Kanu Nwankwo’s hotel, worship centres

Hephzibah: Lagos is working; Eko o ni baje o. Seriously, I'm for environmental protection, any time, any day. The business owners and worship centres should engage environmental compliance consultants that will help them meet their business objectives without breaking the law...Eko o ni baje oooo.

 

2. Emeka Offor, Abike Dabiri’s firms, others owe banks N143.81bn

Hephzibah: The Punch, the focus is on firms with NON-PERFORMING LOANS! Ajaokuta Steel Company ke? Is that still an active firm? I agree with the CBN directive of publishing details of NPLs on a quarterly basis. I just hope checks will be included so that the objective is achieved...

 

3. Jonathan fought me over N1.9tn subsidy funds – Amaechi

Hephzibah: *Yawn* Yinmu to the "Attention-Seeker" of the Federation.

 

4. US to lift arms embargo on Nigeria

Hephzibah: Has the Nigerian Army (suddenly) stopped human rights abuses? Is the Leahy Law no more in force? Can the Nigerian Army expect an apology from Senator Leahy?

 

5. Buhari: We’re identifying banks keeping money for oil thieves

Hephzibah: I like the picture of PMB that was used for this article. He is smiling and frowning at the same time, lol. Wait oooo, is the purpose of all these probes to get the US and other countries to treat our case with sympathy? Ah, Baba, please don't fall my hand na. If we have evidence that Nigeria's stolen loot is stashed in foreign banks, we shouldn't be BEGGING for anyone's sympathy na? Don't spoil the anti-corruption crusade with all the sympathy talks oooo. All the talks of US training the army against insurgents sef...How many insurgents has the US successfully defeated sef? Let me stop talking now...

 

6. Etisalat battles MTN over promo

Hephzibah: ""These technical issues should be made simple for us to understand. And anyways, the NCC shouldn’t be encouraging some form of monopoly being canvassed against by Etisalat against MTN. Otherwise the gains of the telecoms deregulation would be lost. Please explain in simple english all these details." says a Punch comment. I totally agree, lol.

Anyway, what I REALLY want to know is who will battle MTN for the silly "Importer Exporter" advert where the lady forming "hard-to-get" gels when she confirms that the guy's claim by dialling his number. Naija ladies, will you keep quiet as MTN portrays ladies as being easily swayed by material possessions? 

 

7. Army set to establish brigade at Sambisa Forest

Hephzibah: "A security analyst, Ben Okezie, frowned on the planned establishment of a brigade inside Sambisa Forest, saying he did not understand the rationale behind the decision. He noted that the move was unnecessary since the army has a division in Borno State where the forest is located." Hephzibah endorses this opinion. Please don't expose our soldiers unduly...

 

8. Tribunal reserves judgment on Kashamu’s election

Hephzibah: Seriously, why is Senator Kashamu still a senator. This Naija sef...

 

9. Justice ministry writes police over Senate forgery probe

Hephzibah: Baba, see why this September business doesn't make sense? "Our correspondent confirmed on Monday that the Directorate of Public Prosecutions had, on July 27, received the police report, which sought legal advice from the ATTORNEY GENERAL OF THE FEDERATION on the alleged forgery of the Senate Standing Orders based on the facts revealed by investigation.

The Attorney General of the Federation and Minister of Justice has yet to be appointed for the ministry."

I am too upset to continue reading the story. BABA, PLEASE NAME MINISTERS IMMEDIATELY! This is quite embarrassing...

 

10. Probe teaching hospitals, resident doctors tell Buhari

Hephzibah: National Association of Resident Doctors, I think you should be talking to the Auditor General of the Federation. Baba is not a trained auditor and is currently busy chasing oil thieves. All the best in your quest...

 

11. We’ve secured conviction of 1000 fraudulent Nigerians —EFCC

Hephzibah: Can we have names, please? Seriously, we need an online register of convicted financial offenders that anyone can access. MAYBE it will serve as an effective deterrent...Erm, what happened to the billions of Naira recovered?

 

12. Synagogue: Lagos opposes plea to stop engineers’ prosecution

Hephzibah: I wonder what these engineers are thinking? How can you design a building that killed people (the cause of failure was a structural defect) and seek a PERPETUAL INJUNCTION to restrain the police from arresting them or inviting them for questioning based on the coroner's verdict? Naija people! Shouldn't these engineers be trying to demonstrate that the cause of failure was not a design error and they were not criminally negligent? I expect COREN to be a bit more vocal about this issue. If these engineers are not on its register, COREN should institute legal proceedings for practicing without a license. SCOAN should be joined in such a suit. If the engineers are on COREN's register, COREN needs to take disciplinary action against them. The suspension of their license(s) is a good starting point. We need STRONG deterrents in this country... 

 

13. Okagbare sets World Championships targets

Hephzibah: “I have goals written up and posted around my room. I write them as soon as I wake, when I’m feeling fresh.” I wish you the best, Ms Okagbare. The IAAF comes up from August 22-29, 2015. If you have a TV schedule, please share. Thanks

 

14. Driving a desirable ‘change’ in the power sector

Hephzibah: How can anyone refer to $10bn as JUST? Make una dey fear God ooooo. Anyway, I pray that when Baba finally splits the NNPC into two, the Regulator will develop the political muscle to ensure STRICT ADHERENCE to the Gas Master Plan. This is a component of the Transformation Agenda that is dear to my heart. Erm, Baba, feel free to peep into the Transformation Agenda and update it with IMPROVEMENTS! Kudos to the team that put the agenda together.

 

15. Naira now 216 on banks’ dollar rejection

Hephzibah: I kinda like the fact that this policy is making importation business unattractive. What should be happening in parallel is that we are developing and supporting businesses that produce these goods so that there are in-country alternatives. I pray the economic management team that will come on board will continue with diversifying the economy so we can depend LESS on petrodollars. All the best, Nigeria!

 

Sorry for the break in transmission. Special thanks to Jamila Rumah-Bawa. Yesterday was her birthday and today's commentary is specially dedicated to her. Thanks to all our readers and contributors.

 

I'm praying for my nation ooo. Let's join King Sunny Ade to sing "This Nigeria na we own, make e no "pafuka". No place wey be like our home, home sweet home. Make we join hands and think alike; lift, make I lift"

May God bless the Federal Republic of Nigeria.

 

Enjoy your day.